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Just compliment her on her muscles. Tell her you know her legs looks good and you love rubbing her muscles. Or that her arms look amazing and you love how strong they’re looking. I’d ask her to flex and tell her how great she looks. Simple. She might obviously not be like super into being muscular or anything and might not want to flex while you’re having sex or something, but it’s something you’re into. So she has to be cool with it, and just know that muscles turn you on. If she’s so turned off by you saying youre into muscles and think hers look good, she’s not the girl for you. She doesn’t have to necessarily be into it, but she can’t be bothered by it.
You can keep complimenting her progress. Let her know you find it attractive how she takes care of herself, how strong she's getting, how badass she looks, etc.
Maybe you can even go, "you look like one of those hot (CrossFit/IG/fitness) girls."
I don't think you need to have a conversation about it unless it's negatively impacting your relationship, or you're encouraging her to become a straight-up bodybuilder.
If you love her, and she's already keeping in great shape, then I'd just play it cool.
First off, this is awesome!
I have some thoughts on this, and they're a bit guided by my past experiences. First off, a quick story.
As my username implies - I love feet. I really like feet and legs in nylons (pantyhose). In one of my early relationships, I told my girlfriend this. It was the winter time and she would wear them off and on for work, and it got me so excited. I'd compliment her legs in them, I was buying her pantyhose, I took some photos of her legs (with a film camera because I'm that old LOL) and I tried to really encourage her to wear them.
The result though? She started wearing them less and less. She'd go out of her way to NOT wear them for work and opt for slacks over a skirt or a dress if it was cold. Wearing them in the bedroom became a hard no, and she seemed really bothered by my requests.
Now on paper.. my approach seemed good. She wore nylons already. She owned them already. I made it clear that I liked HER legs in nylons and not just anyone's legs in nylons. But she really resented feeling like a fetish object, even if I don't think that's a fair assessment.
Some girls are super fun and cool and open minded, but I think a lot of them are really turned off by the focus that we have. We can't really sympathize. I'm very muscular right now and I'd LOVE for a woman to objectify the s*** out of me, but that's not likely to happen. For the most part, they don't do this.
All of this is to say... my advice is to compliment her fitness journey in general. Like hellohotbeef said above, play it cool. Join her in working out too if you can. I'd avoid specifically calling out her muscles and asking her to flex and all that. Imagine that she got really into something else that's healthy but not a fixation for you.
Imagine that she got into jogging. You wouldn't jump on her after every jog and say "OMG YOU'RE KILLING IT WITH JOGGING, YOUR CARDIO CAPACITY IS GETTING INSANE AND IT'S DRIVING ME WILD!" You might give her a quick compliment that the jogging is really healthy for her and you're proud. You might get her a pair of jogging shoes. I'd say to give her weightlifting the same energy.
If you respond, in intimacy, to her growing muscles, your girlfriend can't help but notice how much you appreciate her physical development. How could any woman object to seeing her man get super excited? It can casually come up that you find her buffness incredibly hot!! It might even inspire her to work out harder. I've been in a few relationships where this very thing occurred. When they realized being toned turned me on...they took it much further
Do you want to be happy? Or do you want comfortably lukewarm? That's up to you. Happiness can and does come at a price, as there are trade-offs in everything. But it is MY OPINION ONLY that you'll experience greater highs if she's happy to indulge what you're into because she KNOWS what you're into.
It's healthy for partners to discuss what turns them on with one another.
This is a super long game. Let her know how desirable she looks lately. "Wow-- I've always loved your body, but you are wearing your workouts REALLY well." Find little ways to let her know the progress is hot, and that you accept her for who she is. If you work out with her, you get the benefit of seeing those muscles in action.
Do you want to be happy? Or do you want comfortably lukewarm? That's up to you. Happiness can and does come at a price, as there are trade-offs in everything. But it is MY OPINION ONLY that you'll experience greater highs if she's happy to indulge what you're into because she KNOWS what you're into.
It's healthy for partners to discuss what turns them on with one another.
BINGO!! Imagine that your girlfriend is working out basically to improve her self confidence. If she knows you are really into how she's progressing, that her buffed look is exciting to you, then you both win.
Thanks all! All of this advice is very helpful. I didn’t know if I was going to get anyone to comment so I really appreciate this.
A couple things I wanted to add based off the comments here. So I should also mention that my gf has muscular shoulders and back. Since we’ve started dating, I’ve basically used any excuse I can to massage them. She loved it because what woman doesn’t like free constant massages. And I instantly get turned on as soon as I touch them. Since she’s started working out more, her back has definitely gotten more ripped.
In terms of her working out, she doesn’t weight lift or even go to the normal gym. She has weight lifted in the past, especially when she was an athlete in school but now, she doesn’t do that. She’s been starting these workout classes like 5 times a week. I don’t know how to describe them, they involve dancing, yoga, a little calisthenics and very minimal work with weights (though they are definitely hard seeing how much she sweats at the end of them). When she first told she was starting it, I was all in support because I knew she wanted to lose weight and I just wanted to support her feeling better about herself. I did not expect that a little muscle would follow.
Another thing I forgot to mention earlier. About a month or so ago, we were watching a TV show where these guys in a scene were lifting weights. One guy was benching something but struggled really hard and then it went to another scene. I wasn’t paying attention to it, I was on my phone. My girlfriend said something like “oh my god, those guys are so weak”. And I said “wait what, how much were they lifting.” And she said “they were benching 135 lbs. I can bench that easily, and I’m a girl.” I was just so stunned when I heard that, and obviously VERY turned on. I don’t know how true her statement was but besides all that, the fact that she said that to me and knowing that I do like fitness woman (like I mentioned above), I think told me that she’s slowly accepting my kinks.
But just hearing that made me go insane thinking about her potential. I love weight lifting and I’m praying that one day she’ll come and start regularly weight lifting with me. If her body responds so easily to some of these cardio based workout classes and she claims she can lift heavy, I can only imagine how unbelievably hot she would look if she weight lifted.
I realize this is starting to sound more and more like one of those fantasy stories lol. She’s not a bodybuilder by any means. She’s just starting to show a little more muscle than before and I’m glad to see it. I just want her to continue moving forward and eventually accept that I just get so turned on by it. But whatever happens to her body is all side stuff. She’s the love of my life and that’s more important than anything else to me now.
My wife is definitely someone who doesn’t appreciate her muscular build. She was (we both were) high level athletes so she has that plus just a naturally muscular, big, broad build. I always talk about her muscles just little jokes and little compliments and stuff so she doesn’t care obviously. So with that said, and this is why it’s good to just throw it out there and give her compliments and make her know you’re into that, we were having sex and I was rubbing her arms and she was giving little flexes. Then I sat up and put my cock in her bicep and told her to flex her bicep on it. She did a little bit, so a little bicep job to start out got me SUPER hard. She’s definitely way more muscular than th average woman, not a bodybuilder, but people all the time have told her she should get into bodybuilding. So it’s definitely more than just fantasy with her.
My wife is definitely someone who doesn’t appreciate her muscular build. She was (we both were) high level athletes so she has that plus just a naturally muscular, big, broad build. I always talk about her muscles just little jokes and little compliments and stuff so she doesn’t care obviously. So with that said, and this is why it’s good to just throw it out there and give her compliments and make her know you’re into that, we were having sex and I was rubbing her arms and she was giving little flexes.
Yeah that’s exactly what I’ve tried to do! It sounds like the same situation as mine. I hope I can get her to flex like your wife does!
Society has been slow to embrace physically developed women, so many naturally buffed women sometimes think of their development as a bad thing. If you are fortunate enough to be in a relationship with a muscular woman, you absolutely must confess your attraction. If she already loves being buffed, then showing her how much you love her look, will only enhance the fun times. If she isn't fond of having muscles, showing her how sexy you think she is will boost her confidence. I've been with both types of women. Expressing your approval is always a good thing.
Just a followup: rather than expressing approval, I wold suggest expressing appreciation. We all have ups and downs, and physical training with muscular development is difficult and takes commitment. OP has already said she is the love of his life. Need to be sure that we all support the decisions of people we care about, and in OP's case: make sure that she is working out because she wants it, not in order to get approval.
Just a followup: rather than expressing approval, I wold suggest expressing appreciation. We all have ups and downs, and physical training with muscular development is difficult and takes commitment. OP has already said she is the love of his life. Need to be sure that we all support the decisions of people we care about, and in OP's case: make sure that she is working out because she wants it, not in order to get approval.
Perfectly said. Showing appreciation for her building muscle is just as important as showing appreciation for if she ever wants to dial it back.
Society has been slow to embrace physically developed women, so many naturally buffed women sometimes think of their development as a bad thing. If you are fortunate enough to be in a relationship with a muscular woman, you absolutely must confess your attraction. If she already loves being buffed, then showing her how much you love her look, will only enhance the fun times. If she isn't fond of having muscles, showing her how sexy you think she is will boost her confidence. I've been with both types of women. Expressing your approval is always a good thing.
Yes for sure. I think she leans towards liking muscles on women. She has complained that she feels her shoulders are too broad but I just say that I love it and I think she likes that.
Just a followup: rather than expressing approval, I wold suggest expressing appreciation. We all have ups and downs, and physical training with muscular development is difficult and takes commitment. OP has already said she is the love of his life. Need to be sure that we all support the decisions of people we care about, and in OP's case: make sure that she is working out because she wants it, not in order to get approval.
Yes exactly! Whatever she does with her body is not going to determine how I feel. I will support whatever makes her happy because that’s what makes me happy. We’ve reached such a level of love and trust that the physical stuff is just on the side.
I will continue to love her for who she is inside because that’s what attracted me to her in the first place. If she just so happens to be comfortable flexing her muscles too, well that’s just a nice little thing on the side!
Update: it’s been a little while but thought I’d share something….
So this past month, we started working out together more. I’ve done her workouts, involving a lot of legs and core, and I’ve had her do my workouts, mainly upper body like chest, back, arms. Couple of things:
We’ve done maybe 2 real back days together? And we’re doing barbell rows. On the 2nd back day together, she repped 8 reps with 25’s on the barbell (almost 100 lbs). It’s not close to what I can do but good lord, on her second day ever doing barbell rows, she’s already easily repping 100 lbs? She’s always had a strong back so not surprising but I was so turned on in the gym that I had to snap myself so we could finish our workout together.
Now the other thing… we’re laying in bed and most nights I usually just give her a light massage right before we fall asleep. I start massaging her arm and then she says this:
“You know what’s crazy? There’s a MUSCLE there now. I was looking at the mirror and I flexed and I was shocked”.
I say: “Oh yeah? What muscle?”
She says: “My bicep. It’s not huge but it’s it was bigger than before when I flex.”
And as I’m massaging her bicep, she flexes. She’s not a professional bodybuilder or anything. But let me tell you, the absolute hottest thing EVER is the love of life saying her biceps are bigger and flexing for you as you feel it.
You're living the dream, man! So how have you approached this over the last year? My thinking, reading over the thread, was that, in addition to expressing appreciation for her muscles, also express appreciation for her strength and abilities. These are her accomplishments, after all, not merely an object for your desire.
You're living the dream, man! So how have you approached this over the last year? My thinking, reading over the thread, was that, in addition to expressing appreciation for her muscles, also express appreciation for her strength and abilities. These are her accomplishments, after all, not merely an object for your desire.
I actually hasn’t talked to her about her muscles and strength at all since I first brought it up with her years ago. We just lately have been focused on getting in shape, so this all naturally happened when we started lifting together!
I’ve been in a relationship for over a year now with someone I love - much beyond the physical aspects. I am very happy in our relationship.
With that said, I obviously don’t want to kept anything hidden and if my girlfriend appreciates my feelings towards muscles on women, it would definitely be nice. I did tell her last year that I was into women in fitness, and those who lean towards having more muscle. She took it well but we never really talked about it after that.
Now my girlfriend was an athlete back in school. She’s since stopped that but continues to work out. A year ago, she had a normal body, maybe a little leaning towards bigger. But the beginning of this year, she made a conscious decision to workout. I’ve always loved her legs but damn since she started really working out, her legs have become massive and pretty hard.
Now i really love biceps. She never had big biceps but a week ago, I noticed when she was fixing her hair that her bicep rose a little. It’s clear her muscles are slowly showing themselves.
I want to really show her how much I love her body but I also don’t want to turn her off, whether it’s focusing too much on the “strange” physical aspects or if she actually doesn’t like muscles on herself. Any one have any tips on how I can talk about this with her?