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I don't think it's anything to hate yourself over. As long as you continue to be honest with your girlfriend and she remains supportive of you, then there's absolutely nothing wrong.
As for the women complaining, it's only directed at a certain group of guys (the schmoe stereotype), which obviously does not include you, because you actually see them as human beings.
I've been thinking about the same idea, and my conclusion was – as long as we don't objectify women (like so many people around here tend to do), this is a much more healthier "fetish" compared to other sexual arousal stimulus out there. We love the symmetry of the human body in its ultimate expression, nothing more. In the end it is best to not be dependant on any stimuli coming from the internet, as that detaches us from the real world. Like any dopamine pathway in our brain, keep it regulated. I'm saying this also as a result of self introspection, because I find myself spending a lot of time in this website lately.
Hope your gf recovers, and remember that physical beauty is temporary, we should value our partners from what they are, not from what they look like. Surely you do that, but I'm also saying this openly as it might stick to someone else's thoughts.
This post is part question along with a little bit of cathartic vulnerability from me, so bear with me a bit.
For some background, I am a 35 year old man who outside of being attracted to strong, muscular women, also is involved in strength sports and fitness. I am a CrossFitter who has competed and I'm also a casual boxer and wrestler. I am fit and muscular, but I wasn't always that way. But even when I was at my least fit, I was always attracted to buff women. And even though I like strength training, there is a small part where that motivation came from an attraction to buff women.
I have a long-term girlfriend who I am looking to propose to shortly, and one of the things we bonded over was a love of CrossFit. She too does it, and was pretty muscular and strong. There were other things that made me fall in love with her, but I definitely wanted someone who was also into strength training.
Unfortunately, for the past couple of years she started to struggle with some health issues that resulted in weight gain. It started to affect her performance at the gym, and while she tried seeing doctors to help she kept struggling. Eventually, the health issues got so bad that her doctor said she had to completely stop weight training and high intensity exercise for at least some time. They emphasized it wouldn't be permanent, but it's really doing a number on her self esteem, and she says that she hates how she is losing her muscle and strength and that she feels so weak. I assure her that she is doing ok and that it's not forever, but she still feels awful.
Which leads me to the topic at hand. She has always known that I am attracted to buff women, and she has no problem with it. She even sends me links to pics and videos of them, and she says that she is ok with me seeing a session wrestler and even wants to join so she can watch. I'm definitely lucky that I have a partner so supportive of that. And yet I feel so incredibly guilty for being attracted to jacked women especially now. I know that part of why my girlfriend is so depressed with what she is going through is because she is fully aware that I am attracted to women who lift, and she isn't one at the time. Make no mistake, I love her very much, and even if this was permanent and she had health issues where she could never lift or be muscular again, I wouldn't fall out of love with her (there is so much more I love about her than just her being a CrossFitter when we met.) But still, that attraction to muscular women will always be there. And even if I stop looking at them, that preference isn't something I can just switch off in my brain, as much as I sometimes wish I could at times.
There's that, and there's also the fact that so many physique types that I like are only attainable with PED use. My girlfriend is adamantly opposed to either of us using them, and while I still think naturally built muscle is hot, I can't help but eye those enhanced physiques. And sometimes I hate it. I feel guilt for liking something that requires drugs that can be harmful.
And to top it all off, I see the complaints from buff women about men fetishizing them and asking them inappropriate questions and basically not treating them like humans. I like to think that I learned from my mistakes of being like that in my teens and early to mid 20s, but I still can't help but feel bad when they say things like this and I wonder if I am being like that even though I motivate myself to consciously recognize to not act like a , well, schmoe for lack of a better word when interacting with them.
So yeah. Honestly, for the past few weeks I have been feeling pretty lousy about it. To be blunt, sometimes I hate myself for it and feel like I don't deserve to be happy with a loving partner because of it. It's a bit lonely feeling like this within this world, and I don't have really anyone to talk about it except here of all places. I know this was written with the intent of it being a question, but like I said in the first paragraph, it was also a cathartic vent. I don't even know what I want to get out of it, but at least feel a bit better about sharing here.
Thank you for reading.
I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend's ordeal, but temporary is just that. I'm sure you're solid for her - you're a good dude.
Despite being 50+ and deep-deep-deep in this world, I get a part of what you're saying and strongly empathize with you. Some women just want to train and get "you go, girl!"s from their social media followers. I LOVE this fetish and I'm selfish and honest to a fault about it, but just because a woman works out does not mean she has to be into MY fetish. But also real talk: I'd be completely paralyzed and unable to function normally if I beat myself up finding certain women attractive.
Healthy balance is everything. You're honest with yourself about who you are. You're honest with your partner about who you are. If you unwittingly offend someone because you offered a polite compliment that triggered her, there's not much you can do about that. No one's wrong in those situations. Shit just happens and we move on. Investigate and invest in the therapies that work for you and continue liking what you like.
I can relate to that very much. The feeling is burning inside, and to sexualize it is a quick way to let steam off. After many years I came to the conclusion that it is a personal weakness not to have more skills to handle the emotion, so started to put it into creative writing. It not only helps to improve skills, its also good to better understand the sport of womens bodybuilding itself.
At the end of the day its the spirit inside that drives all the athletes. Maybe your girlfriend can, while she is absent from training, put her own experiences into artwork. Draw something about how she felt when she was working out, or make images on which type of trained body she aspires. The spirit of womens bodybuilding is often underestimated imho, you can have that even when you are kept from working out.
I do worry how a future girlfriend would react to my Twitter account dedicated to muscle women.
This is an interesting topic.
I myself have long felt guilty about my two main sources of attraction: girls with muscle (huge biceps in particular) and slender girls with huge natural breasts.
Yes, I value a woman for everything she offers: intelligence, kindness, sensitivity, creativity, humor, patience, you name it.
But what grabs my attention from first to last? Those biceps or breasts!
How one reconciles the desires of the libido with the companionship of a compatible individual is not always an easy accomplishment, if ever, and I certainly don't have the answer.
Sorry to hear about your girlfriend's health it sounds like a terrible situation for both of you.
Honestly I do feel guilt for sexually objectifying women. One thing that helps is to (try) to stay off the internet. Internet/social media are just fucking awful, terrible, unhealthy. I feel so good every time I take a break from it.
Sorry to hear about your girlfriend's health it sounds like a terrible situation for both of you.
Honestly I do feel guilt for sexually objectifying women. One thing that helps is to (try) to stay off the internet. Internet/social media are just fucking awful, terrible, unhealthy. I feel so good every time I take a break from it.
Just wondering: Do you or would you feel any guilt for objectifying a woman for her mind? Or for her skills/talents?
Finding certain women attractive is a natural thing, and does not always cross into the realm of "objectifying" them, as long as you still realize these are human beings. The fact that you guys feel guilt means that you have nothing to worry about.
Tre's questions do a good job of pointing this out. There's nothing wrong with appreciating a woman for her looks. If you're seeking a long term relationship with her, then yes there needs to be more to it than that.
"I fully accept you... exactly as you are today... and exactly as you will be tomorrow. You and I are imperfect. I get it and accept it and hope you do too." --- It's easy to love and be loved when we extend this outlook (we should also extend it to ourselves... not "I admire you" but "I accept you, as is" --- with only a low level of guilt and shame).
This way, what happens over time is not connected to loss (the fear of loss of love). There's nothing to be earned (or deserved or owed)... just acceptance.
Attractors differ... the things our subconscious mind responds to (including releasing hormones). These are mostly outside of our control (I think they get programmed in when we are very young... I haven't figured this out yet). There are things that light up our senses and release hormones. These matter, but relationships don't do well over time if sexual triggers are the primary fuel. These should be a secondary fuel, but love needs to be primary (and in charge the other 90+% of the time).
There are things that bring people together. If you and your girlfriend didn't connect around Crossfit, you may have never met. If full acceptance and good values (I want the best of health for you, for example) aren't present, the relationship is going to struggle.
This forum doesn't get serious or philosophical too often, but there are a few here who think about life in this way.
I think that things might be more of a serious nature if you enjoyed mushroom pizza and she dislikes mushrooms.
Just wondering: Do you or would you feel any guilt for objectifying a woman for her mind? Or for her skills/talents?
cgsweat basically answered this but to be blunt, yes? Obviously? If I reduce an individual to a sex object (for whatever reason) I feel guilt.
This has been a very enlightening discussion. Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed.
I'm feeling a little bit better after reading the responses and reflecting on them. There's so many things that I like about having this preference, but there are also many things that I dislike or find frustrating. I'm glad to hear that I am not alone and it really felt great to get all of that out in writing.
Just wondering: Do you or would you feel any guilt for objectifying a woman for her mind? Or for her skills/talents?
Another great question!
I confess that I am also turned on by:
1) Incredibly intelligent women. When I first read about Marilyn vos Savant, who supposedly has the highest IQ ever recorded -- 228 -- I got incredibly excited. Alas, she hasn't found a cure for cancer or brought about world peace -- yet!
2) Drummer girls with incredible skills. (I was for many years a semi-pro doo wop drummer!) My favorite has been a cute girl named Devikah who put up a bunch of YouTube videos when she was 18 (and already had an endorsement deal with a Japanese drum company). She was playing the most complex jazz fusion/progressive rock covers and totally nailing them. More impressive, she supposedly had only been playing drums for five years. Basically, she had mastered the drums, a goal that generally takes drummers decades of hard work! Alas -- she hasn't posted any new videos in years and was, last I heard, working for some airline. What a waste of talent!!!
I once dated a similarly accomplished woman drummer -- who also had a rocking body -- but she never agreed to realize my fantasy: playing a virtuoso drum solo for me in the nude!
Do I feel as guilty about getting turned on by these particular facets of a woman, focusing on certain traits rather than her totality as a human being?
Perhaps not quite as much as lusting after a body part, as at least I'm recognizing her skill or intelligence, one an accomplishment, the other a genetic gift.
Again, a fascinating topic. The penis wants what it wants when it wants!
You could make a case that by giving attention to these kind of women, we are encouraging PED abuse. I've been thinking about that, but currently I'm withholding my judgement.
You could make a case that by giving attention to these kind of women, we are encouraging PED abuse.
Not even a little bit. Bodybuilders train for themselves, not for attention. In your defense, I think the only way to fully understand the mindset is to train yourself. What anyone else thinks, how they react, what they say, has ZERO effect on any of these women's decisions.
So the good news, no need for you to feel guilt in that regard.
This post is part question along with a little bit of cathartic vulnerability from me, so bear with me a bit.
For some background, I am a 35 year old man who outside of being attracted to strong, muscular women, also is involved in strength sports and fitness. I am a CrossFitter who has competed and I'm also a casual boxer and wrestler. I am fit and muscular, but I wasn't always that way. But even when I was at my least fit, I was always attracted to buff women. And even though I like strength training, there is a small part where that motivation came from an attraction to buff women.
I have a long-term girlfriend who I am looking to propose to shortly, and one of the things we bonded over was a love of CrossFit. She too does it, and was pretty muscular and strong. There were other things that made me fall in love with her, but I definitely wanted someone who was also into strength training.
Unfortunately, for the past couple of years she started to struggle with some health issues that resulted in weight gain. It started to affect her performance at the gym, and while she tried seeing doctors to help she kept struggling. Eventually, the health issues got so bad that her doctor said she had to completely stop weight training and high intensity exercise for at least some time. They emphasized it wouldn't be permanent, but it's really doing a number on her self esteem, and she says that she hates how she is losing her muscle and strength and that she feels so weak. I assure her that she is doing ok and that it's not forever, but she still feels awful.
Which leads me to the topic at hand. She has always known that I am attracted to buff women, and she has no problem with it. She even sends me links to pics and videos of them, and she says that she is ok with me seeing a session wrestler and even wants to join so she can watch. I'm definitely lucky that I have a partner so supportive of that. And yet I feel so incredibly guilty for being attracted to jacked women especially now. I know that part of why my girlfriend is so depressed with what she is going through is because she is fully aware that I am attracted to women who lift, and she isn't one at the time. Make no mistake, I love her very much, and even if this was permanent and she had health issues where she could never lift or be muscular again, I wouldn't fall out of love with her (there is so much more I love about her than just her being a CrossFitter when we met.) But still, that attraction to muscular women will always be there. And even if I stop looking at them, that preference isn't something I can just switch off in my brain, as much as I sometimes wish I could at times.
There's that, and there's also the fact that so many physique types that I like are only attainable with PED use. My girlfriend is adamantly opposed to either of us using them, and while I still think naturally built muscle is hot, I can't help but eye those enhanced physiques. And sometimes I hate it. I feel guilt for liking something that requires drugs that can be harmful.
And to top it all off, I see the complaints from buff women about men fetishizing them and asking them inappropriate questions and basically not treating them like humans. I like to think that I learned from my mistakes of being like that in my teens and early to mid 20s, but I still can't help but feel bad when they say things like this and I wonder if I am being like that even though I motivate myself to consciously recognize to not act like a , well, schmoe for lack of a better word when interacting with them.
So yeah. Honestly, for the past few weeks I have been feeling pretty lousy about it. To be blunt, sometimes I hate myself for it and feel like I don't deserve to be happy with a loving partner because of it. It's a bit lonely feeling like this within this world, and I don't have really anyone to talk about it except here of all places. I know this was written with the intent of it being a question, but like I said in the first paragraph, it was also a cathartic vent. I don't even know what I want to get out of it, but at least feel a bit better about sharing here.
Thank you for reading.