Forum
>
General / Nonfiction
>
Thread
Log in |
Register
Ok so I have been a lurker on this site for years but I finally made an account and figured I would ask a question that only here I would be willing to ask.
So I'm into buff (as is probably obvious) and also tall girls. This has been a thing forever probably started before I was 10 (I'm 21 now), but yet I have never told a single person (besides this forum) about it because I have always been deathly embarrassed to. I'm not so sure why I feel this way, I know it has to do with judgment from others like that they would find it weird and mock me for it and/or that they would think I'm gay, since tall and muscular on seen as "masculine traits".
Anyway I desperately want to get over this stupid insecurity and I realized hey there is whole website full of anonymous people that probably have some experience with this oddly specific issue. I never really looked in the forum side of this site much so IDK how much or if this has been brought up before. But yeah as the title says have any of you overcame this feeling? I'm really curious also on how other people reacted to you telling this to them, good/bad reactions plus anything else you would think would be relevant.
For context, what part of the world are you posting from? I've heard that "someone will think I'm gay!" thing before, but this was like back in the stone ages.
But also for context, I was never insecure about what I liked, so it's tough for me to relate. Regardless of what anyone here says in an effort to help, you're most likely still going to want the approval of your friends, so you'll have to work on managing those expectations of yourself (the desire for external approval).
You can have fun along the way, but you won't really be able to live freely until you achieve the state of not giving a fuck what other people think.
I haven't read other responses since I think the point of this is to get individual responses rather than to debate.
For me, personally, I eventually had to just go to the source and confront my own internalized homophobia. Does liking muscular women make me gay? No, but it probably puts me near the spectrum of bisexuality. Does that mean I have to go out and do sexual things with dudes? No. But if that's something that should interest me as an extension of my appreciation for muscularity I can - and probably should. The possibility of my interest being perceived as not 100% heterosexual (by others, by myself isn't something I seek, but it's no longer something I run away from in fear or disgust.
But that's sort of how I deal with things. "What if this is gay?" Ok, let's entertain that and think about it as though it was someone else. If someone else was afraid that they might have bisexual tendencies I would tell them that it was ok, and that they should learn to accept that this is a part of themselves so that they can address it as curiosity rather than as fear. So that's what I've allowed myself to do.
And this is 100% a personal, subjective thing. I'm not saying everyone here is bi. Just that I'm more bi than I am 100% straight so I just go with it.
Living in Southern California and being surrounded by people who are, like me, politically quite left of center also probably helps.
Thank you for everyone that has responded and given your thoughts thus far, I may not reply to everyone (new accounts can only post every 15 minutes) but I read them all. It has been very motivating and I'm really glad I decided to make this post!
So I’m 23 so I’ve very close to your age, and for me it did take me a long time to be comfortable in the fact that muscle on a woman was something I’m into. For me at least it was when I talked about my attraction to a therapist. I let the cat out of the bag that way, and I remember when I did announce it. I wanted to throw up because of embarrassment; however, my therapist was like it’s not illegal or dangerous so I was fine to be attracted to them.
So then I did tell a friend group of mine. I told a mostly female friend group of mine because my therapist said I don’t have to be embarrassed by what I’m attracted to. And yeah my friends were very supportive to me.
Yeah feel the same way I did briefly mention it to my therapist and he was very re assuring about it but it didn't make me feel much better. I guess I should start by telling a friend group, probably the first step. For some reason my family is the people I'm most embarrassed telling, I'm not sure why my parents are pretty chill and my sister is gay so she is no position to judge.
I always was ashamed of my love for buff women and so I never went after muscular girls as I thought I would get made fun of. But once I graduated high school there was this girl I had a crush on for the longest time because she was very muscular, and I finally decided to ask her out. It was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. I decided to tell my friends about it and they all made fun of me but I didn’t care anymore. That was one of the best decisions I ever made and eventually my friends stopped joking about it.
I'm glad it worked out like that, gets my hopes up!
For context, what part of the world are you posting from?
I live in northern New Jersey.
For me, personally, I eventually had to just go to the source and confront my own internalized homophobia. Does liking muscular women make me gay? No, but it probably puts me near the spectrum of bisexuality.
IDK for me I don't see muscle size at all as something masculine but I know a lot of people do. Especially for me personally I prefer women with large legs in comparison to upper body as it emphasizes female curves and figure. So it seems straight up wrong to say I am bi or gay and it is more based off stigma then truth. But that is also my subjective view and I'm not here to tell anyone else what they are I only speak for myself.
I'm pushing 60, and know by this time that IRL matchup ain't gonna happen. So I've never had to acknowledge it to anyone personally-- my last relationship was before the internet, or at least, before I had an internet connection-- so I've never really had to deal with it. I've talked about it to therapists I was seeing for other matters, and they all basically said, "Big deal. No problem, don't worry about it." So I don't.
Well, I married a woman who would like to be buff . . . but I don't know if she'll ever get there.
I told my wife about it. Her lack of reaction comforted me in my belief that she didn’t care about it, me and my fantasies.
Why won’t she ever get there? She struggles with keeping the routine?
She lifted the year we were engaged, but I don't think she made much progress. Since then not really been able to get started back up. She wants to, but we'll see what happens. She is starting to listen to a gal named Ashleigh Vanhouten and is getting her book. So maybe that will help.
Huh. Looks like I am the odd one out - I was never insecure about it (even though I had been insecure about many other, less significant things).
I have always been open about my preferences, even took pride in them, since elementary school even. 50% of the time, reaction is mildly negative, but not because they're judging me. It's more like a "Eh you like Coke? I prefer Pepsi." type of reaction. The other 50%, people surprisingly agree, at least partially.
I haven't met many people who like massive FBBs with obvious steroid side effects, but for the 50% who do partially agree with me, I could show them a picture of Dana Linn Bailey at her peak and have them say she's hot. It has been that way since grade school all the way till now.
Would you laugh at your friend if he liked strawberry ice cream instead of chocolate....
Yeah, I'd tell him he might be gay because he likes fruit and then I'd latch onto it like a pitbull and never shut up about it. Might even buy an ad in the paper...
But seriously though, I did a few things to get over that fear. First I stopped hanging out with my old friends who talked smack about muscular women. Second, I joke a lot about muscular women and my love for them. I'll refer to a girl with a thick lower body as a "quad damn brap hog" for example. I'll say I want a girl with thigh sized bis and bowling pin forearms. I can cook for myself, so I don't need a girl who can cook. I want a girl who can roll the pan up with her bare hands. Get descriptive. Paint a funny picture in their heads to disarm them and offer them a way to broach the topic lightly. I've been able to find friends who are also into tall and muscular women. Most of them go to the gym, but not all of them. I think it helps that a lot of them know (and love) my tall, muscular ex-girlfriend, so she may have changed their minds on girls like her. She uses humor to disarm people who might be intimidated by her. That's how I learned to do it for muscular women in general. Some of my fit girl friendly friends, to my knowledge, don't personally know her or anybody like her. But that's probably your best bet. Get friends who would know muscular women and/or watch women's sports if you're afraid of judgment. You don't have to dump your old friends, but get some new ones you're more comfortable with.
Or you can get super defensive about it and tell them they or their girlfriends are fat and ugly and wouldn't stand a chance with a muscular woman, if men have muscles why don't you, you only want a weak girl so you can abuse her, you're just bitter because she's taking care of herself and you've wasted your life on the couch, etc. I don't get THAT aggressively defensive but sometimes I do stand up for strong girls when people put them down. Don't do it from a place of anger or bitterness; do it from a place of detached amusement. Fight them with a smile on your face like a happy warrior. For example, the week of my brother's wedding we rented a beach house and some old bats who were friends with the bride started talking smack about muscular women while we were unloading the car. On my way out, one of them said "I'd rather be fat than muscular" and I cheerfully said "Looks like you didn't have a choice!" You could hear a pin drop! They were stunned, speechless that a man would dare body shame them while they're body shaming other women. When I got back with the next box, they were talking about something else.
Seriously broham, just own that shit. Do you realise how many folks are into pooping into pepo's mouths? The day I said guess what? I'm hot for girls with giant muscles. I don't care if you think I'm gay. (I'm very not PEENS ARE GROSS AS HELL) People have weird ass fetish-ess. Rip the ban-aid off and let it ride.
She lifted the year we were engaged, but I don't think she made much progress. Since then not really been able to get started back up. She wants to, but we'll see what happens. She is starting to listen to a gal named Ashleigh Vanhouten and is getting her book. So maybe that will help.
Do you lift yourself? Maybe she will feel more motivated to lift if she does it alongside you.
I use vague terms like "athletic/fit" women. Maybe find a hot gymnast in the Olympics or something to point to as an example, since it's more normie friendly.. work your way up gradually from there.
The only one i ever told was an old coworker, who said he used to bodybuild (you'd never know it with the spare monster truck tire he carries now), and he admitted fit chicks are tons of fun.
I never had a problem with it, a fit woman is far superior to a soft, flabby, out-of-conditioned woman. They are strong, more confident and her muscles are just plain more useful. The question should be turned 180 degrees, why would anyone not find fit muscular women attractive? Who cares what other people think?
I never had a problem with it, a fit woman is far superior to a soft, flabby, out-of-conditioned woman. They are strong, more confident and her muscles are just plain more useful. The question should be turned 180 degrees, why would anyone not find fit muscular women attractive? Who cares what other people think?
I agree 100%
I was very insecure about it for a long time. I hid it, was ashamed, and didn't want anyone to find out. But in my late 20s I was dating a girl who wanted to do a bikini competition and when I showed interest in her getting more fit and building muscle, well, she basically figured it out. One day she asked me if I liked muscular women and I just opened up. She was extremely accepting and we would watch videos together and she would pose for me. I bought her a posing suit (it belonged to Miava Nelson) and she would pose for me. It was awesome to be able to share this attraction with someone.
Since that point I have been open with my girlfriends about it. None of them have made fun of me or made me feel bad about it. The girl I am with now is on the bi-sexual spectrum and slowly began finding an attraction to female bodybuilders. She's a big fan of Shannon Seeley.
With her I even felt comfortable enough to share my biggest secret... I am also attracted to male bodybuilders. She was actually totally cool with it and encouraged me to be accepting of it. It has become and fun addition to our sex lives. She has started to be attracted to them as well and we watch videos together and explore our attraction.
I guess my point is, don't be embarrassed by it. I am not saying you go around telling every random person. But if you are intimate with someone, tell them. Be honest. It could open up all kinds of possibilities. Being fully honest with my current girlfriend has made for incredibly fun times and some of the best sexual experiences I've had. And it just feels good to be open and honest.
I still haven't gotten over it. Some folks know, and I am not really ashamed. I just don't want the judgement that comes with it.