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I have a background in sociology and as a professional sociologist what you have proposed is rather provocative. I will reflect more on your thoughts about this connection between childhood trauma and a love for strong women. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this matter.
You're very welcome. I'm looking forward to your thoughts with great anticipation. Especially regarding your background.
To the others: Thanks for your answers so far!
I suspect that experiences we have in the earliest years influence (unseen) bias formation that is often thought of as 'being born this way'. (If true, the implications are bigger than our interest on this site.) HummerFan's point on reaction formation is new to me. I think of ego-formation (mentioned in the reaction formation article) as happening (mostly) during the early months/years; as we progress through early stages of development, including self-awareness steps such as learning to recognize ourselves in a mirror. A lot happens in our first few years that we don't remember (as well as in our subconscious that we aren't aware of).
For my home life, my parents argued a lot when I was little (about or before age 2 perhaps). They got loud but not physical. My objection to this was to go to the far end of the room and knock my head on the floor. I don't remember doing this, but it's been confirmed, including by my older sister. She remembered the circumstances and my reaction to it. There were narcissistic traits in both of our parents (hence, the arguments). There are often gender biases with narcissists so I wonder if I received more negative attention from my father so saw him as the bad guy when he argued with my mother. Perhaps these events had an early influence on my subconscious. I remember being 5 and recognizing the strength of the mother of a family we knew well. She was of average build and typical behavior. She wasn't an athlete. When I was 4 I fell while playing with her son in their garage. She picked me up for a moment. Perhaps that incident triggered something in my subconscious that may have started there when I was 2.
So my interest in strong women goes back to age 5. When attraction hormones came along, signs of strength (arms/veins mostly) were prominent attractors and my imagination wants to exaggerate a woman's strength and toughness (exaggeration is consistent with HummerFan's thought about reaction formation).
One of my earliest memories (I must have been around two years old) was when my father inflicted severe violence on my mother.
I experienced this incident as extremely shocking and horrifying. This also generated a strong hatred regarding my dad.
Around the age of 8 I developed an affinity for strong girls, which turned to sexual arousal when I first saw muscular women on TV.
Over the years I came up with the following hypothesis: My fetish could be grounded in a latent wish for women being able to fight back when they get into situations in which they get physically dominated by men. So muscular, strong women who even themselves could physically dominate men are especially of my interest.
This wasn’t clear to me from the very start, so it existed on a subconscious level in my personality. Therefore that aspect could be the reason why I experience my fetish like a bottomless hole, I just can't get enough of it, at least that’s my theory.
I wonder if there are people on this site who have similar thoughts.
For me it is because they look hot! Great bodies. But yeah in some other cases it is because of an issue.
I don't think so, at least not with me. I grew up watching popeye cartoons along with superfriends, he-man, etc. and I liked the muscle and power displays, but couldn't stand the skinny female characters. The first time I saw Olive Oyl get the spinach, I thought that was the greatest thing!
When I saw Rachel McLish in a muscle magazine, I had the immediate thought "why doesn't wonder woman look like that?!" That's how I thought females should look. When I got older, I always noticed the more athletic girls had more muscle than the non-athletic ones.
At an early age, I thought muscles were amazing, and anyone and everyone should have them.
Many men who grew up watching their mothers being physically abused by their fathers end up becoming abusers themselves so I don't believe this is correct OP statically speaking some one who has gone through this would have been more likely to find a weaker partner than a strong one, you could just be the exception but I've never met any one with a preference for strong women that had a similar up bringing so I highly doubt that to be the reason.
I'm sorry you went through this 🙏
For me it was the opposite, as I remember clearly my mother throwing stuff at my father and trying to scratch his face. (Plus all the psychological consequences of "your father doesn't love you" repeated 24/7/365 for more than half a dozen years or so.) Needless to say, I ended up loathing my mother and rediscovering a lost relationship with my father, but that's a whole other story. I don't think it's always a matter of Reaction formation, but I don't seem to remember when and how exactly my preference for muscular girls began.
My parents never really fought. Probably argued like normal people but never fought. Still happily together today. After like 37 years or something. But I still love muscular women. I will say I have a theory for me that I’m into like the opposite of my mom. I know a lot of people say you marry someone like your mother or you marry someone like your father I basically went with the opposite. I’m into muscles and my mom is small and doesn’t have any muscle really (except calves, she has huge calves). My dads the athlete which is why me and my brothers are big athletes. I also think i heard my mom say bodybuilders look weird or whatever before and that was like a trigger to be into bodybuilders too. Kinda like this is how I’m rebelling without actually doing anything wrong. I’m also a foot guy and really into flip flops and my mom literally never wore flip flops (not that I’d be into her feet that’s too weird for me) but just the idea that she never wore them so I’m rebelling by being into it. I have no idea if this makes any sense but to me it does.
No violent abuse in my family. I'm sorry that was your situation. If you really think it's the cause of this fetish, maybe it's best to talk to someone professional?
I never saw many fit girls growing up. My town was small and isolated. They were either the stereotypical "hourglass type" or else obese. I was generally indifferent to the hourglass types, and repulsed by the obese types. When I saw the fitness babes on ESPN, it offered something new and exciting. They were curvy, but a different type of curves.
I grew up in a healthy home environment where there was no violence. I also became attracted to muscular females when I was young. In terms of attraction, it was just my preference. I like fit.
Today, I work as a mental health program manager and can't say I have seen a correlation between domestic violence and the love of physically strong women. I have witnessed abusers choosing females who are substantially physically weaker. An abuser rarely picks on someone his own size.
A child witnessing his mother being abused by his father could definitely illicit a reaction-formation style attraction to strong women as the OP surmises. Indeed, entirely possible. Trauma works in many ways. I'd recommend seeing a skilled therapist if you really want to get to the bottom of that femcepsfan. Here's a link on reaction formation, a common defence mechanism.
Thanks for your infos.
Many men who grew up watching their mothers being physically abused by their fathers end up becoming abusers themselves so I don't believe this is correct OP statically speaking some one who has gone through this would have been more likely to find a weaker partner than a strong one, you could just be the exception but I've never met any one with a preference for strong women that had a similar up bringing so I highly doubt that to be the reason.
I'm sorry you went through this 🙏
Thanks for your compassion dude.
Men who hit women, escpecially if they are actually their loved ones, ESPECIALLY if they are the mothers of their children, still to this day belongs to the most fucked up shit I can imagine. Even though certain women in certain situations can enrage the shit out of me, it’s a line I just don’t fucking cross. In some cases I even had the feeling they wanted to provoke me to a point I would snap and attack them so they could play the victim card, but I always could pull myself together and therefore deny what they were anticipating.
I am aware of a rather complex pattern in which the abusers or witnesses of abuse become the abusers themselves. Damn this always makes me think about how complex we human beings are. There is so much shit deep down in us going on which can lead to heavy consequences!
I just wonder how many people aren’t vocal when it comes to their personal experiences in terms of witnessing domestic violence. I have the feeling that many people not only try to uphold a “everything is perfect”-facade to their environment, but also to themselves. Shit like that can scar and therefore disturb one for life, so better not talk or even think about it.
I have a pet theory about the link between liking muscular women and (the threat of) violence. I think it's somewhat related. Of course, it doesn't mean that everyone has developed this taste due to trauma. It's a description for one particular type of muscle fan.
As for me, my mother was a narcissist prone to explode in fits of anger. There was no physical violence in my household, but it was common for people to scream at each other, go on hunger strikes, apply silent treatment for days on end, and other manipulative / abusive behaviour. I was already neurodiverse to start with, then my family dynamics made me all sorts of fucked up. It's been years of therapy, self-improvement, and estrangement from my parents ever since I became independent.
If you ever read my posts/comments or talked to me on chat, you'll know my kinks are unusual. My relationship patterns with women, muscular or not, are not the healthiest. I'm still drawn to narcissistic, self-centered women... and it just so happens that the concentration of self-centered narcs appears to be higher among jacked women than in the general population. It's easy to think highly of yourself when your very appearance makes other people fawn over you. Also, a muscular woman would be able to wield yet another (physical) kind of power and domination over me.
Your post is about physical violence, but have you considered other forms of violence as well?
Different kind of trauma but I ended up with similar results and hypothesis.
Lost my mother to sickness early in life after long illness. I've always thought there was probably some connection. My mother was extremely thin and frail at the end, and I think as an attempt to guard against the chance of losing someone so close to me in that manner again, my young mind reacted by seeking out women who looked as strong and healthy as possible.
In the end it seems like our fetish may be at least in part borne from a desire to pair with someone who, by appearances at least, would be able triumph over the things that did our mothers great harm.
Different kind of trauma but I ended up with similar results and hypothesis.
Lost my mother to sickness early in life after long illness. I've always thought there was probably some connection. My mother was extremely thin and frail at the end, and I think as an attempt to guard against the chance of losing someone so close to me in that manner again, my young mind reacted by seeking out women who looked as strong and healthy as possible.
In the end it seems like our fetish may be at least in part borne from a desire to pair with someone who, by appearances at least, would be able triumph over the things that did our mothers great harm.
You're absolutely right. I can understand where you are coming from as well.
Thanks for sharing your story dude.
My attraction to strong and/or violent women arose from my ex beating me into the hospital. So there is an element of it I guess. I suppose it is more case by case.
One of my earliest memories (I must have been around two years old) was when my father inflicted severe violence on my mother.
I experienced this incident as extremely shocking and horrifying. This also generated a strong hatred regarding my dad.
Around the age of 8 I developed an affinity for strong girls, which turned to sexual arousal when I first saw muscular women on TV.
Over the years I came up with the following hypothesis: My fetish could be grounded in a latent wish for women being able to fight back when they get into situations in which they get physically dominated by men. So muscular, strong women who even themselves could physically dominate men are especially of my interest.
This wasn’t clear to me from the very start, so it existed on a subconscious level in my personality. Therefore that aspect could be the reason why I experience my fetish like a bottomless hole, I just can't get enough of it, at least that’s my theory.
I wonder if there are people on this site who have similar thoughts.